Approach Strangers and Network Like A Pro
Understanding humans has always been–for me–an interesting thing to learn. I have read many scholarly articles on the relationship between the first years of life and later life, adolescence, and senior life. It never ends. I am currently suffering through Malcolm Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers.
Last year, I was obsessed with behavior and body language. It started as a juvenile attempt; wanting to find out when someone is lying, and just trying to decode what one is really saying with their body. (Your body never lies).
That’s how I chanced upon Vanessa Edward’s Cues and later on, Captivate.
One of the hard things ALX puts us on is networking. I found the wealth of information within these books useful in doing this, and finally getting less worried about whether people like me.
I’ll throw in a weird science fact here: A study examining the most popular students at a school found that the students that liked most of the other people were the most popular. So, don’t freeze up thinking about how you have to dazzle others with your awesomeness. Just ask good questions and be genuinely interested in what others have to say.
These pointers work if you’re just looking to meet new friends or want to learn to confidently approach strangers. In fact, I would suggest trying them out on those levels first since the stakes are not so high.
Figuring out the why, where, and when to approach and make conversation is the beginning step to practicing your people skills.
The why just refers to your reasons for approaching strangers. Like maybe you want to pass the time or learn a new skill. If you’re both at an event, it gives you great context to begin a conversation. Odds are; you both like the activity going on, or the host is a mutual friend, etc. That takes care of the where. You have to go out in public- a coffee house, a painting class, a commute, etc.
The commute is a personal favorite. It’s always like, I just wanna have a conversation. We won’t need to exchange contacts or whatever, which significantly reduces the pressure. I have made some great friendships this way.
The when refers to looking out for an opening. You’ll need to decode body language to determine whether to approach or not. I learned for instance, that if people are huddled in a circle with no opening, then they probably won’t welcome an interruption, whereas those in a circle but have an open space would welcome another person.
Even closer home, what do you think when you see someone with their earbuds plugged in? Likely, they don’t want to make conversation.
So you’ve thought through those questions and found a suitable ‘partner’–it is time to make the big step.
You can suss out their approachability and build a rapport before an introduction by using eye contact and giving a warm smile. If the person returns your smile, you’ve got a winner.
That’s your cue to move over, say hello, and introduce yourself.
It’s a trial and error thing from there, but you should be looking out for a spark from something that both of you are interested in.
You can gauge interest from cues such as raised eyebrows/widened eyes, nodding, a head tilt, and leaning in. Once you find common ground, build on that.
Here are some conversation starters to help you along.
Cheers.
